Well, as the title says, we are no longer pregnant - we had another missed miscarriage which was a little different than last time. We went for the early scan at 8 weeks to be told there was a 6 week old fetus and no heartbeat, but it could still be too early. So we phoned EPU the next day who told us to go in but wouldn't scan again and set us a date for a week later.

They then told us the baby had shrunk to 5 weeks and there was still no heartbeat but to rescan in a week to be sure - so there was yet another week from hell.

At the next scan they told us it now measured 6+2 - giving us that little glimmer of hope, but there was still no heartbeat, so we had to wait yet another week.

Finally, we got the answer we were expecting, the baby had now shrunk to 4 weeks and the sac had collapsed, so our baby was gone again. This last scan was at what should have been 10+4, and I had not had any bleeding at all. When I went to the loo to empty my bladder for the internal, there was the tiniest barely even there pink tinge so I knew that was it.

But still nothing happened. We got a few bits of blood mixed into stringy EWCM kind of stuff, but nothing else. So we opted for medical management. I didnt really want a D&C as I kind of wanted to see it happen otherwise I wouldn't be able to come to terms with it being over, or being sure that the baby was definitely dead - I have on overactive mind lol!

So at what should have been 11+2, I took the first tablet. And at 11+4 I was admitted to hospital where I had the pessary and other tablets and everything finally started and I passed the sac. It was different again as last time it came out whole, about the size of an egg, this time the sac had burst and was like a soggy bit of old cling film - not a nice analogy for what is left of your baby but a true image!

It was painful but worth it, as I know it has gone and I can start to deal with it.

We have been referred properly to the fertility specialist, which should come through for sometime in June/July, so we are going to wait to see what happens with the tests before trying again. It's actaully quite refreshing to think I am gonna get a proper break from being pregnant, as I have pretty much been pregnant since September and have nothing to show for it! So I am back on the caffeine (how I missed thee!!) and the wine and we are just going to enjoy being us 3 for the summer and then try again when we are ready.

The weirdest thing is I am quite happy for people to announce being pregnant etc, except for people who have already got one baby and would be having another one close in age - for some reason that upsets me, as does seeing people with a young toddler and a baby. Mad isn't it! I know it is because we can't have that close age gap now, but I am hoping just being able to have baby #2 will make all that jealousy go away ;)

So that is where we are at!

I will try to remember to update once we have seen the specialist. Keep your fingers crossed we have just been unlucky twice in a row!

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